Ratings, percentages, and more
rating: 3/8 slices
hydration: varies*
*Varies based on bread used.
difficulty: easy
Ingredient percents
| Ingredient | Standard % | Baker’s % |
| Flour | ? | ? |
| Salt | ? | ? |
| Yeast | ? | ? |
| Water | ? | ? |
| Olive Oil | ? | ? |
Summary
- The easiest “pizza” you can make.
- I put pizza in quotes for a reason.
- Kid-friendly.
My First Pizza
When I was around 10, my parents were given a microwave oven, back when microwaves were an emerging technology. The ease of use made cooking seem more in reach to me that it ever had before. I started experimenting. One of my most successful experiments was my first “pizza,” which I made by taking a slice of sandwich bread, slathering on some plain canned tomato sauce, and topping with grated mozzarella. Then, I it put in the microwave until the cheese was nice and melted.
I thought I was the first one to think of putting sauce and cheese on a slice of bread and microwaving it. I’m sure I wasn’t, but that’s not what I thought, and so I felt I deserved to name it. My mom made pizza that, even at that age, I knew was better than what I was producing, so, I called it “artificial pizza.”
Over time I made adjustments. When there was left over spaghetti sauce, I used that. The ground beef and seasoning in the sauce made for a heartier and more flavorful version. I also used tortillas in place of bread when we had them.
Today, I rarely make artificial pizza. And, when I do, I butter the bottom of the bread and put it in the oven. The oven creates a crisp crust, instead of the completely soft microwave version. I made the pictured one because I was in a hurry and had some ingredients I wanted to use up.
Eating
While you’re not going to get any chew or complex flavors (unless the bread has those), artificial pizza does have a nice crispiness — basically like a piece of toast. Aside from the textural contribution, the bread is primarily a delivery vehicle for the toppings, making them critical. I used some extra pizza sauce, mozzarella, and some nice cured salami. It tasted good. Reminiscent of pizza.
Day Two Reheat
Don’t bother to reheat this. Since the bread has already been baked, a day two reheat would essentially be a third cooking for the bread. If you’re not sure how many you want, make them one-by-one to avoid having leftovers.
Subs and Mods
There are no rules here. I like to think that’s true with all pizzas, but it’s especially true here. This is just about being creative and working with what you have.
Wrap Up
If anyone has any thoughts on this — ways to improve, similar experience, etc. — I’d love to hear them.